okay first of all rino..CONGRADULATIONS..for screwing up..i told you not to mess with her..and i gave you the whole if you hurt her speech..but obviously my words were too big for your tiny mind..and you couldnt comprehend what i was saying..you fucked up big rino..you messed around with other girls..you hurt her..and now..well..now i can say that i warned her..i hella warned her..you fuck around with the people i love too much rino..bad bad move..you need to think about all the shit that you put her through and apologize..and she is so much better than you..you should have thought long and hard about what you were about to do before you did it..but that would be too much to ask huh? thinking long and hard..sorry..didnt mean it..i mean you shouldnt have been an ass..i was nice to you..i drove you guys places..because jaena is my niece..and i trust her judgement..i gave you SO MANY CHANCES TO BE GOOD TO HER..you really are stupid..how could you do that to her..she hekka..omg..i cant believe im trying to reason why you did anything..think about something more than your own hormones for once..you say you love kathy..then why did you get with jaena? kathy is just as blind as anyone thinking that youre not gonna hurt her again..i dont know why girls get involved with you..when all you do is hurt them and cry..yeah..i meant you..that you cry..nothing wrong with it..but hey..im not saying youre gay..or anything..im not saying that your love for N*SYNC was unhealthy or anything..but hey..if the boot fits..i hope that you really do love kathy..because she doesnt deserve to be fucked over by you..and just watch out..and i hope you left things good with jaena..cause..youre gonna get your ass whupped..by me..and you know i can..and honestly..whos side do you think people will take..yours or jaena's? most of your friends are hers..and they know how you work..they know youre a 'heartbreaker'.. hahaha..yeah..im sure..next time think..next time dont be yourself..next time..dont be an ass..

so now i dont have a best friend..and now i hurt and i dont know why..things supposed to make me feel better right? but now i feel empty..like theres nothing..cause there isnt anything..i cant do this..this is wrong..i shouldnt be thinking like this..i shouldnt be going back to the way it was..this was supposed to be fun before college..its like something was taken from me..like junior year..*sigh* rough times..friends taken away..all those months..no one to talk to..you were there..and now youre not..who's supposed to help me now? who's supposed to be my link to sanity now? i have none..so bye..its been fun..but everything has its price..i'd trade anything in the world..guess im trading something now..

so everythings all akward now..im just listening to no doubt's 'dont speak'..and yenno..the words really 'speak' to me..hahaha..but yeah..i do know what youre saying..so..yenno..stop explaining..don't tell me cause it hurts..what a perfect song for such an imperfect situation..i can't figure out whether eating chips and soda is worse for you..or fries and ice cream..well..we'll never know will we? so yeah..thats a great song..so i went to tri-city and went to look for bathing suits..well a racing or practice suit..but none of them looked nice..all i want is a simple black bathing suit..i have one..but its kinda worn cause i used it for practice for like 2 years..heheh..but its black with purple stitching and it looks damn good on me..makes my butt look not HUGE..hehehe..and its not as high cut as my actual racing suits..which i can see my hip bones in..hella high..jeez..and hecka like..hi..this is my leg..so i have a 'paper suit' which is gonna be like destroyed in like..5 weeks..cause its from old navy..but it was hecka expensive..like..uumm about..13 dollars per piece!! its a tankini type thing..but the bottom is like SMALL...i was like..not everyone is this tiny..or want to have their bottoms slip off during a dive..jeez..gotta watch that..but i have shorts that can go over them..so im all good with that..to hide my big thighs and butt..hahaha if you havent seen me you wouldnt notice..until i tell you then youd look again and be like..oh yeah!! hahahah..but yeah..so i have a bathing suit for the beach on monday..i dont really like it..i was in a hurry..i still need a practice suit

oh bullshit..why dont you just take everything back and pretend it never happened..cause thats what im gonna do..forget it..forget what? EXACTLY..so blah de blah de blah..whatever..ruin my first days in my relationship..oh yeah and ruin ours..go ahead and lie and tell me whatever but i dont care anymore..so go and play games with the other girls you like cause im so finished..have your fun but leave me out of it.. because personally..this type of thing shouldnt happen..much less to me..what was i supposed to do? go crazy wondering if i was making a mistake..well you thought wrong if you thought i wasnt gonna tell my best friends who are girls..thats why people should have best friends of the opposite sex..unless they're gay..gosh..blah..so i dunno about you..but i sure know what im gonna be avoiding this summer..hahah.. yeah..so one of two things happened..either you lied to me..or now youre lying to yourself.."think i might" yeah..okay whatever..who cares..tiffany was right and you didnt know what you were talking about so lets just forget the whole ordeal..so yeah..feelin a bit angered about now..because stupid stuff made me all discombobulated..and now there was no reason to have stressed over it..*whew..thats a lot off of my mind..so i need to go swimming..but everyone left me..so..can't go and do that..you punks..oh well..we were supposed to go to the beach..but tiffany's not back yet..so blah..i need my beach fix!! hahaha..but yeah..have fun reading this..and the other one..and how much they contradict eachother..though its about one person..hows that gonna happen? i dunno..but it just did!!

okay so i have this problem..and it shouldnt be a problem..i asked some people about it..like..tiffany and krystle and christina, but they know whats up..tiffany said i should ignore it cause its probably that he doesnt know what hes saying..krystle says its sincere and it'll all work out..but im so confused..i have what i want..right? im happy and okay and this is complicated..it makes me question myself..and it hurts..it makes me cry and feel sad an discombobulated..because i dont know what to do..i should know..but i dont..im all a jumble..why? why should i have to go through this..i dont want you to go what i had to go through..is not really fun..but what do i do? okay. breathe..it'll all work out..