not bad..

well..yesterday i moved into my apartment at school, changed my schedule so i'll have clinicals in vallejo, had lunch with katie-kaleena-and chris, and had dinner and catching up with my roommate ashley. it was all okay. i even picked up my books from the bookstore and saw people i had never seen before going to my school. it was amazing. tiring, and completely utterly retarded. i just want school to be over with. i dont wanna do this stupid bullshit called school. its like, of all the parents i am born to, i have to be the one that cares about me finishing in 4 years and getting a good job. not that i dont love them, but they want me to be independent, but yet the wanna keep a short leash on me. its quite retarded. i am in such a bad mood. bad bad bad bad bad mood. you have NO idea. mothers are all just annoying arent they? and boyfriends just dont know when to you love and when to shut up. and sometimes rommates and their boyfriends just dont know when to calm down, sometimes they are a handful..and thats putting it lightly. it very well had better not be this way during the school year or i will go ballistic and move out. i will. back on campus. i dont care. i get really fed up. but im so tired of this and that, i think its just cause im in a huge bad mood. bite me okay. im allowed to get in a bad mood.
on the other hand, i got to play with my doggie molly today. my parent let her in while i was sleeping. shes not allowed inside a lot because im SO deadly allergic. but i kept my face away and petted her and played with her a bit, then i took a long long long shower. i also went shopping at old navy. i got slippers, a tank top, and long sleeve, and another tank top for free. how great. maryann is utterly embarassing. i dunno. im so moody perhaps i should go to sleep. school starts soon. dread the thought. i swear i'll get good grades this year. hahahahahha...yeah right..not with my schedule, my drama, my roommate, and my study habits. *sigh* dean's list and cum laude arent all that important...

(side note)

i am a frikkin whiney bitch...

so far...

so far ive just gotten back from a cruise to mexico. fun fun fun. it was raining when we left so the exit was a little bumpy and nauseating. we were all pretty much sick the entire time..well..the first day was nausea then the next days were headaches, sore throats and coughing. we had a lot of fun. i especially liked all the frikking rude racists white people. stop staring. yes my eyes are tiny and my hair is naturally this long and thick and healthy. get over it. just cause every other filipino person on this boat is working does not give you and your ugly family to cast dirty looks our way whenever we talk or you happen to pass by. and your dye job, totally awful. but all in all the cruise was fun, minus the people talking about us like we couldnt hear or understand them. we watched dance shows, magic shows, and comedians. it was all really fun and i enjoyed it. i got a little tanned, not too much. i wish it had been longer. but next time i guess. hopefully we got a lot of good pictures from the cruise. and of course we ate. a lot. hahaha. 24 pizza bar..come on..hahaha and i didnt drink soda the entire time. im so proud of me. i still gained weight. hahaha. who didnt?
the next day my sister left and we were all sad. but the day after that we went to monterey to go to a birthday party of my godfather's father-in-law. haha they're family friends. i hadn't seen them all since i was little, it was good to see them again.
uh..monday i saw greg. things were good. we had a fun visit. he was late as usual, but thats only to be expected right? always excuses and i always have to not be mad about them. yeah sure its okay, dont call me and tell me you'll be 4 hours late. i dont mind. it only makes me feel abandoned and neglected, but im used to that and he so good at making me feel that way. well you get out of a relationship what you put in. greg has become increasingly pushy and snappy. when he thinks ive snapped at him he snaps back with something like..dont get mad or dont trow a fit. but i wasnt so its confusing. and annoying. and it makes me sad cause apparently i made him this way. all touchy and stuff cause im his huge ungrateful bitch who's mean and terrible and never contributes anything to the relationship. but what do i know, i havent given him anything yenno..oh wait i only waited my whole life for him wheras he hasnt..oh thats right..now i remember..
anyways. im currently waiting for the cute little coach purse that my sister bought for me for my birthday. its matches the little makeup thing denise gave me for being in her wedding. so im excited. i love it. it should be here soon..maybe tomorrow??? or the next day??? i cant wait for it..it took some convincing and some forcing, but in the end i paid for shipping and part of it cause it was like over 200 dollars. completely worth it. i need a grown up purse. i growing up. no more childish things..haha..yeah right..but time to grow up. now i have to take care of kids and women having kids. i cant be one anymore. i was really sad on my birthday..no longer a teenager..i feel..confused as to what it means...
the past few days i have been lazing about in nothingness. watching law & order: SVU and all that good stuff. i talked to my friend felianne too. we talk maybe about once a week. im busy and i usually try to return her calls or she calls me back when she can. i miss her a lot. she went back to utah cause she got sick. i hope she'll be back soon. but you never know.
yenno those days where you just think. and something reminds you of how something isnt really yours? and that rock drops into your stomach and you feel depressed and worthless and that feeling disgusts you..well he disgusts you? that happened today, and wham..the rock fell the tears came and i died again. i hate that. it srpings up on me rendomly. i have tolive with it. or do i? i feel so stuck..how do i know what love is? certainly not this seeing eachother once a week and bitching when we're apart that i call a relationship. what do i know. i only decided now that i was gonna be mature. i always thought he wasnt ready, but maybe its me who's not ready. maybe its me..maybe we're both not ready. ivae never really told anyone that i loved them, but he has, to someone not me. and i know people can do that. i mean he didnt know me back then, but if it was really meant to be..wouldnt i not care about his past? and if God truly meant us to be together, wouldnt he have told him to wait for me cause ive been here waiting for him. wouldnt i not care or wouldnt he just be mine..if we're really supposed to be together.
he;s proven himself to me over and over again and i hate putting him through this. butits me. and i dont know how to get over it. ive tried, but i have..relapses..and i hate punishing him, but i cant help it. most people would say but he loves you. and i would tell those people. shut the hell up. you're not me and you dont know how i feel. i hate this. it always gives me headaches.