so guess what..im a pathological liar..everything ive ever said to you and you thought i was telling the truth is a lie..so sorry..i might even be lying about lying..hahahaha..so sad..oh well..guess you'll just have to figure out whether i was lying to your ass or not huh??? it makes me wonder..about things ive said and done...if i was lying..hahaha..i can tell when im lying..cause i get this smile on my face..it looks genuine..but if you look in my eyes im completely grossed out..you can just see it..like if im saying something like..i like you..and im hella smiling and it looks forced or whatever..and you can see my insides squirming at the proximity of you? yeah..im lying..hahaha..for shame you people who thought i was telling the truth..what a romantic and whimsical world you thought you and i lived in..haha..i tell the truth to only one person..me..and sometimes not even that..haha..the real deal..im as pragmatic as they get..only a selected few know my heart and soul and they deserve to know..stars dont appeal to me..they arent romanitc or pretty..they're balls of burning gases probably dead anyways..why would you want to look at something dead and say its beautiful? now those people are sadistic..hahahah..people who feed my lines and TRY and compliment me..i recoil at thoughts of you..you make my skin crawl and the sick taste of bile return to my mouth..where you have touched me i want to rip my skin off and burn it..i feel unclean when i think about what youve done and how violated it made me feel..you disgust me beyond anything ive ever felt..you think after a short while i could accept you? hahaha..people i have known for many years have learned to respect me and my personality..those are the people whom i accept and allow..but you..you tried to change it..as if i was hiding behind it..you make me SICK..

dear diary,
i wrtie in you bullshit pages and i wonder..does this really help does this even matter?? then i realize..no one gives a fuck..hahaha..its so fucking worthless..everything is..all this trivial shit..haha i'm too immature? fuck that..its who i am..hahah..if you cant handle me and my immaturity find another home girl..and you..with your big ass head..do you really think you have it all? cause you dont..honestly..get a life? washington to dominican? haha..you went so wrong in so many places..beginning with your choice of clothing the first day we met..hahaha..its such shit..i mean you think things are okay..and people turn their backs on you because something else means more..you pretend like its all good..but you dont even want to be the same..you think that like he has all the answers..and dont deny what im saying because youve said it yourself..haha hes a fucking liar..he doesnt know shit..NOTHING! nada..haha..you sound so smart generalizing every fucking thing i say..hahaha..sounding like youre better..condescendingly looking down at me..i have not developd yet..hey..when you get your doctorate..then talk to me..when you graduate from a top college..then talk to me..when you know what the hell youre saying and you have the right and experience to..then talk to me..until then..dont think you know me..dont talk about me..dont try and read my mind..or analyze me..because you dont know me..dont think that you can just take my friends away from me..poisoning their minds..hahah..you wait and see when she has to look at the real world..haha..its gonne be harsh..you think you're preparing her? hahah failure..she has so much potential..and youre holding her back..absorbing her will to reach out..denying her life outside of you..hahaha..wow..you think this can last forever..only one more year..you'll see..hahahaha..college is so much better than anything..no drama..no bastards..now i loved high school..to death..i loved the friends i made..they're keepers..like tiff and claire and christina..haha she doesnt count..cause ive known her since i was 4..hahaha..but yeah..you know..my life changed in high school..and i know i coulda done without some stuff..the drugs, smoking, and alcohol..the going out..at night..all the time..having friends i know i shouldnt have..haha..great..yeah..gotta love that..i loved high school..it was great..and everyone will tell you..i struggled through it like no one else..hahah..i had a lot of obstacles blocking my way..but i got through it..and i wouldnt change it for the world..my friends know it..and i'll miss them most off all..they shaped me into the person who i am today..and who i'll be forever..college is something new..but like the new car smell..its gonna fade..haha..MOOD SWINGS!! yeah..just a little pissed off at people..college so cant compare to high school..i found my soul mates in high school..i knew who i was gonna marry in high school..although he just found out a couple weeks ago that i am gonna marry him..hahah..no one can understand me like people in high school did..college is so diverse..and its great..but high school..we were diverse outside..but we were the same inside..we loved all the same things..had all the same passions..felt all the same pains..i dont know what im saying..its just that..you know who you are when i say..i love you guys..you were my smiles through the tears..