bitchin...

my new life is..bitchin. hahah i prolly make more money than you. am probably hotter than you. have accomplished more in my life at the age of 22 than you ever will. and i dunno. i'm being a little concieted and a huge bitch right now, but i think i deserve to do it. what i made in 5 months of working is what some people make in a year. i go on trips whenever i want. and really..my life can only get better. the biggest decision i need to make right now is which color i want the interior of my new bmw to be. i went house hunting and sondo shopping. im looking at vacation homes in hawaii, and i have friends that love me. nothing means more to me in the world but them..them and..well. him for right now. =)things change, ive changed, im happy..

it never ends

the love. the pain. the heartbreak. the heartache. the tears. nothing. it never ends. today was a bad day if you couldn't already tell. i feel bad about yelling at lance. but i wasn't yelling. i was venting and crying. but he's a great friend. i felt bad. but i needded to let it out. today was a bad day. juno was a good movie, but today was a bad day. i hate taking steps back. it hurts my soul. none of my wishes from simgang gabi have come true. waste of my time and my life. like greg was.

the pain never ends. the hurt never ends. the tears and the heartache. they never end for me.

catch up..

wow

so wow. i had no idea my birthday was in 2 days. i kinda forgot about it because ive been so busy with work. i havent even gotten my birthday cake! i completely forgot. oh well...im being super nostalgic. i know ive been really good lately. but my birthday coming around and stuff, i miss him. not is a heartbreak or sad crying mode, but a heartache and a sad smile i miss him. i dont remember what he lloks like smiling at me. i dont remember what his voice sounds like. and i'm sad. i worked so hard to forget him. and i actually slowly am...sad. really sad. he wanted it this way. i worked hard to get where i am emotionally after he hurricane katrina-ed my heart. and now im i dunno. there. fading. im super melancholy right now. prolly cause im hella tired. i went out last night. got home drunk at about 230am, woke up at 500am, church at 530, then straight to work from 7-330pm. man. then home and talking online! hahaha i need sleep. but i'll never wake up if i sleep...

simbang gabi

so ive been going and its been really fun but also realy sad. it brings back a lot of memories. but yeah. i guess it would happen around this time anyways. but yeah. sucks still. anyways..
i had a wish for when simbang gabi was over, but i guess i need to change it. i wanted to wish for my broken heart to be healed. i wanted to wish that i was happy again. mostly, i just wanted to wish that i would just forget everything about him. and be able to start over with my life. i swear im doing better, but i guess we all have bad days.

so i have to change my selfish wish. and if my new wish comes true i would go through a thousand break ups with a thousand boyfriends that i loved in order for this to happen. i would have my heart broken a million times to just have my one new wish come true.

well i have to sleep..church tomorrow...

...not a good day...

i hear you're taking the town again
havin' a good time with all your good time friends
i don't think that you think of me
you're on your own now, and i'm alone and free
i know that i should get on with my life
but a life lived without you could never be right

chorus:
as long as the stars shine down from the heavens
long as the rivers run to the sea
i'll never get over you gettin' over me

i try to smile so the hurt won't show
tell everybody i was glad to see you go
but the tears just won't go away
loneliness found me, looks like it's here to stay
i know that i oughta find someone new
but all i find is myself always thinkin' of you

chorus

oh, no matter what i do
spending a lifetime to live through
i can't go on like this
i need your touch
you're the only one i've ever loved

chorus
i'll never get over you gettin' over
i'll never get over you gettin' over me

la picturas

i think i made that word up...