chocolate

so my nurse elizabeth talked to me today, asked me how ive been doing like everyone else does. and i said i was getting along okay. but inside i was screaming stop talking about him. stop talking about him he broke my heart. i can't talk about him without crying!!!!!!!!!!!!

and she said something...if they don't like chocolate then they dont like chocolate. but that doesn't mean its not chocolate. it still is, they just don't like it. its still chocolate...

it kinda made sense and it kinda made me really happy to hear it. maybe its because its been about 3 weeks, and maybe its because im getting better, but i thought about it and i just was like..okay. and i took a deep breath and went along with my day.

then i talked to evelyn. and i told her about it. she's like my big sister at work. she takes care of me and makes sure i'm okay and i have food to eat and stuff like that. and she told me her story. and i cried, and she cried cause i cried. it was sad. then she said her first instinct is that he met someone. he's so over it because he either met someone or wants to pursue someone already or has someone in mind that he thinks could take your place. he's met someone that can fulfill where you were. well damn. he should have told me. i feel better because now i feel like i can hate him instead of love him with all my heart. its easier to hate. i dont care if it consumes me. i just want to stop being sad. so it makes sense. he goes away for a weekend to LA with his friends and bunches of other college students and comes back to break up with me. of course he's met someone else...someone better than i am...

all that shit, its just fuckin chemical...(laverne on love) hahaha true. its all just chemical. when my body finishes this whole withdrawl process and my body chemicals are back in order, pre-biggest waste of my life..then i'll be over it... i can't wait. god just let this be over...