church

so new anthem song to help me get through this. man. like..first it was all tamia officially missing you and blah and i want him back (which is till do) but i think i need to take care of myself. i havent been feeling well, what with my bum heart and inability to feel hunger anymore, i think i need to stop worrying about him. then in like 3 months when im okay my anthem will be like fantasia barrino truth is i never got over you. but for now. this is how i have to be. i have to be angry i have to be mad in order to get through my days. it blinds me and consumes me, but i don't see any other alternative.

today in church they talked about God giving second chances to sinners. and then i thought, duh that why its not working hes not God, he's him. but i know that hopefully someday i will understand and be okay. God please give me the strength to get through the day without crying, grant me peace in my heart, help me to understand what your plan is for me, and help me to accept things that i cannot change.

but i got to thinking, he broke up with his first gf because he spent time with his friends more than her and he ignored her and he said he just fell out of love with her and was unhappy. and i remember us talking about that. and it's so eerie. and im sad because now im on the same rank as her. and now whomever he loves next may go through the same pain that his last two "loves" did. i dont want to be in the same category as her. i want to be different. i want to fight for him. i want to be happy with him. my body aches to feel him hug me. sadly, im fooling myself, i love him to the ends of the earth for the rest of my life and im never going to get over it, but he has. i wish i could sstop talking about it. apparently i should have seen it coming and apparently everyone else saw it coming. everyone except me. im so blind. blind love. i didnt know i just thought well you know what i thought. we were so good when we were able to spend time with eachother. but apart we were so angry at not being able to be together.


Now that it’s all said and done
I can’t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
I fell too far, was in way too deep
Guess I let you get the best of me
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, time ago!
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally gettin’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you!
You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say,
And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of other’s opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, time ago!
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally getting’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you!