1 week

so deep breath. first week is over. the first week of the rest of my life. and i have to tell you, today was bad. pretty bad. almost pathetic. i forget then i remember, then i wanna call then i dont then i see the stupid thing on the back of my phone and cry. my heart hurts so much still. my work is slowly declining. i just cannot keep it together.. i always feel this lump in my throat and it hurts to swallow it. i'm dizzy with grief sometimes. the mornings and right before i go to bed are the worst. i wake up crying and i fall asleep crying. i just want to be numb. this is going to be a long long long process...i thought he was different..i thought we were different.. i thought i was different...i guess im nothing really..