praying

today my family tired to pray the rosary. but i couldnt. i was too upset for some reason or another. so instead i cried and my mom talked to me about being sad. i cant help it. its been like forever since it happened. and im still a mess.

anyways..kaiser didnt pay me all my hours this pay period again. im getting mad. i only got paid like $700 for 2 weeks. when i usually get..oh..i dunno..$1,900. yeah i know im pissed too.. but yeah... have not studied for NRP tomorrow.. gonna fail another thing i fail at. well its like my failing streak right? i'll let it slide since my life is so fuckin great now..haha failed relationship, failed as a girlfriend, failing as a nurse, failing as a human being in general, failing the NRP. damn. the only thing i'm good at is cring ans being a pathetic ex-girlfriend that cant get over it.

i never thought id ever be that ex. i always thought i was better than that. but im the fucking college sweetheart people. im the fucking girl hes gonna tell his son about. i'm gonna be the girl he had and dumped. im such a fuckin cliche. thats what the last 4 years of my life has amounted to. a fuckin cliche in his life..how fucking embarassing...

this is me typing this blog. i know i dont look like im crying, but i was. and thats a picture of my bed..its so messy, but warm to sleep under. why clean my bed when im the only one that sleeps in it?