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as i talked to ashley into the early hours of the morning, we came upon the topic of the future. and how people plan for the future and forget to cherish the present. they over look the small things in their lives and take today forgranted because we think there will be a million more times like that again. a million more kisses, a million more dinners and a million more hugs good bye. thats what i was guilty of the last time i was with greg and we were actually together. i always took everything about us forgranted. i fought and i fought and i threw fits like you would not believe and i pushed and i pushed. because i wanted him to push back and fight for me. i never thought it would end. i always thought we would be together and i saw our future so clearly that i took the present forgranted. like the last day we were together...
when i kissed him goodbye i didn;t know it was going to be my last kiss forever. i didn't know. but if i had, i would have never let it end. i would still be there, in that parking lot, in the cold, hugging him and kissing him. i was in such a rush to get home. oh i'll see him next time oh i'll see him whenever. and i drove away. not even a second thought. and then a week later it was over. how did it happen? how did we go from love and kisses and taking naps together in his bed and having sushi for dinner together, to saying goodbye forever and him not loving me? he was ready a long time before he told me. he used me. he didn;t love me that night. he lied when he told me he loved me while we were taking a nap. he lied because i didn't love me. he used me and then broke my heart when he didn't need me anymore. i wish. i wish i had held on longer, i wish i had kissed a little harder, i wish i had looked into his eyes with more love, i wish i had told him how much he means so me and how much he has of me.
but i didn't. i took it all forgranted and i lost it all. i pushed too hard and i'm not what he wants, not now not ever. i wish so much. my soul has returned, so i call it a lesson learned. and now i sit here, crying, mourning, dying inside, because of my mistakes.
in my heart of hearts i know i was made for him. but my mind knows that he wasn't made for me.
when i kissed him goodbye i didn;t know it was going to be my last kiss forever. i didn't know. but if i had, i would have never let it end. i would still be there, in that parking lot, in the cold, hugging him and kissing him. i was in such a rush to get home. oh i'll see him next time oh i'll see him whenever. and i drove away. not even a second thought. and then a week later it was over. how did it happen? how did we go from love and kisses and taking naps together in his bed and having sushi for dinner together, to saying goodbye forever and him not loving me? he was ready a long time before he told me. he used me. he didn;t love me that night. he lied when he told me he loved me while we were taking a nap. he lied because i didn't love me. he used me and then broke my heart when he didn't need me anymore. i wish. i wish i had held on longer, i wish i had kissed a little harder, i wish i had looked into his eyes with more love, i wish i had told him how much he means so me and how much he has of me.
but i didn't. i took it all forgranted and i lost it all. i pushed too hard and i'm not what he wants, not now not ever. i wish so much. my soul has returned, so i call it a lesson learned. and now i sit here, crying, mourning, dying inside, because of my mistakes.
in my heart of hearts i know i was made for him. but my mind knows that he wasn't made for me.
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