*sigh*

yenno when you kinda hella really regret not keeping in touch with friends from high school? *sigh* cause well tomorrow is hoh's thing where he was born on that day and stuff..and like..i want to go cause he's my friend, but im honestly scared to see people i went to high school with. firstly cause i feel hella bad for not keeping in touch, but its not like it was all me..i mean friendship is like a 2 frikking way street. but i dunno. high school was way akward and embarassing for me, so its like yeah. and yeah i gained a little weight and..a little more, but like..i dunno. i hate it when i know people are judging me yenno? and like i know people who i'll see there like, i used to be hella good friends and then like towards the middle of high school we just didn't even try to be friends. but yeah. maybe i wont even stay long. i'll just stay long enough to be polite and stuff. i mean i feel really bad, and it sucks a lot to not have those friends anymore, but i dunno, i guess i dont care cause i don't have to see them anymore during school, but its just akward, and i know that like..i dunno..
i know no one cares really because that was all in the past, but like..we used to be friends and just cause we didnt keep in touch, but like all my other friends from high school are hella close still..i dunno..i dont care. for one reason or another i'm just the oddball out. but i dont mind. i mean i have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me. but i really shouldnt say that i dont care or mind because i do. i wish it was like freshmen year in college, where i still had some of my friends, but i swear. i was busy. i never went home. its sad. ive even grown a little bit apart from the club.
i know things change, but i was hoping that me being a friend wouldnt. oh well. can't go back. but when i think about it, i really was busy. swear. im not using that as an excuse, but i was. ihad stuff. school. studying. working out. spending time with my boyfriend. cheer. dance. things that took up a lot of time. and i had hella tedious classes. im not i dunno. im sad is all...