okay so im not the best type of person to be yenno having to go around and do what other girls do..that didnt make sense..but it did to me..and i really am not that mean..and i try not to be..but yenno..how you have a feeling before you go do something..and it sticks with you? and honestly..we werent talking about things i wanted to be talking about before we got there..and im babbling..but those who know will get it..and i didnt mean to be a punk..i just..well..i just am..and i said so before...i plainly said..you dont want me to like you because im mean..but did i listen to myself? no..did he listen? i think not..and now im in a huge stupid overly dramatic tiff about it..not as in tiffany..as in problem..i mean on the way there i was thinking about stuff..and well..so the topic about how i do this whole i can talk on the phone and online..but face to face..and i notice i do it too..and that just bugged me..cause its my own fault..and well..i dont do it on purpose..but thats the only way id be able to do it though right? *sigh* i dunno..but i always do everything wrong..i can never do anything rite..obviously im not even fit to go and talk to anyone..because im such a punk..and im pretty sure that everyone was like..euch..thats her? shes mean..and im pretty sure that i had other things on my mind..and im pretty sure i dont like having to..AH...i dunno..things get to me a lot..and even nicole pointed it out..i mean i kinda wasnt feeling all too cool and whatever..and im pretty sure i was stressed about a rehersal i had in like 30 min..but still it so doesnt give me a right to be hella..be hella like me..like i am..and i cant help it..and yes i can..eerr..this is so frustrating..cause im happy one minute..then someone goes and tells me i was a complete snob! i dont even know what im doing..perhaps i should just go crawl underneath a rock and stay there..im pretty sure that when i was there and walking back to the car 3 guys 'holla-ed' at me and i was like..uumm.. sure..and well..i dunno..im like why should i care..cause i dont..but then..but then it was like..i dont even care..look at her for all i care..cause i dont..im pretty sure i dont control your eyes..and...im mean..and im sorry..but thats how i am..id really try to change if i knew how i was supposed to act..im new at this..so sue me..but i am sorry..and you'll get it if you know what im talking about..there are a lot of things in my life i dont know what to do about..and this is one of them that i dont..i just wanna know that im gonna be okay..that im gonna be all that there needs to be for it..oh im such an idiot..whatever..i dont even know what im talking about..maybe someone should tell me what i need to do..hopefully..