sucking...

yes. sucking. that is what my life has totally been. sucking ass. yeah i guess my little pathetic life is fulfilling for the moment. but, hey, i cant even stay friends with my friends from high school. not even my bestest friends from way back in kindergarden. wow. what a reject am i. i mean, forreals. they were the friends that you have to be friends with because youve known eachother for so long, and what do i do? lose them. thats right, lose my best friends from since when i was 4. i hate it right now. seriously. i just sever ties, and never ever reconnect. and it hurts. casue apparently everyone else is still friends. but i guess i was never really close to people my senior year. god i hate life. it sucks. that i really have NO friends to hang out with from high school. i really am majorly lame. and i cant even like say sorry to any of them because it was my fault for even leaving them. i didnt stay in touch. i was too busy. fuck me. god. and my relationship aint no frikkin picnic either. i cant talk to anyone cause i need someone to hug me and someone to tell me its okay and tell me that i dont deserve to be crying over this bullshit. god. i have no one. i kinda regret just getting so caught up. i hate not having friends from high school to talk to about this. dont get me wrong. i love krystle and tiffany. they're wonderful friends. but they have their own friends from their own grade. and i guess i have none. i have no girl-friends to talk to boy trouble with and stupid annoying problems about greg and just life in general. to go out shopping and lunch with. wish i could go back in time and just start things over. maybe i wouldnt get to caught up being away at school. and not make my family keep me away from home. i wish i wasnt such a terrible friend. i wish i had some friends back. shoulda coulda woulda. my life is so frustrating. i cant go 5 seconds without fighting or crying with my family or greg. everyday i swear its something new. this summer is so retarded. and i have no friends houses to go over and talk to about any of my problems, no girls to understand my plight of the daughter, asian daughter at that, no one to listen to music with, no one to watch TV with, no one to go ugly-people watching with. i hate it. i want to have fun. and i cant have any fun because i made it this way. stupid stupid stupid stupid. im throwing myself the most wonderful pity party arent i? i just wish it were different. and i dont know what to do about it...