sad.

i always get in trouble. i swear. like i never do anything right. i swear like. i think im a good daughter. but apparently giving up the stupid dream of being a dance major to become what they want me to be..a nurse..just isnt enough. being sheltered and just trying to get good grades isnt enough for them. i mean i dont do drugs and i dont drink and i dress conservatively and i dont go out on dates and im not a slut and i get good grades and i clean the house and i wash the dishes and do the laundry and i do everything for myself. i found my own college with my scholarships and go to class and i dont screw up and i go to church and..and damnit i am a good daughter. but apparently im selfish. cause i dont wanna take my sister out with me to run errands. i wake up early, clean the house, make food, and run errands for my parents. then i want to go out on my own because i did what i was supposed to. but then around 2 pm maryann wakes up and she wants to go too. why should i take her? i want to get the hell away from my house and from my family cause they drive me crazy. i do what they ask me. and all i want is a little freedom to be by myself. but im being selfish. of course. cause i never do anything right.
i hate it. its never enough. i hate my mother calling me selfish and saying its the truth. and just telling me to stop crying cause it makes me sound crazy and she knows how i am and she didnt raise me to be selfish. she doesnt know anything about me. she doesnt know ANYTHING ABOUT ME. she doesnt know how hard she made my life. of course im grateful for everything shes given me and everything shes done for me. but i am her child. but whatever. she doesnt know me. anything about me or my life or my personality. i hate it.