12 minutes

for the last 12 minutes ive been calling you every 30 seconds. you phone doesnt have service. and everytime i hear your voicemail i cry a little harder.
today was good. i got a lot of work done. outlined my ethics stuff, did my urine care plan, finished the prototypes, finished the exercises for pharm, did my 2 care plans due today, and went to the mall. all this stuff. ashley says its because i have different priotities now they youre not here. i hope its not that. because i really am getting a lot of work finished. maybe this is good. it has been, except for the crying. but that'll go away soon. hopefully something will go away soon, my sanity, my homework. hopefully not you. but maybe just this week.
i already can tell im not gonna last. its so hard. i dunno. its easy because everyone is trying to make me feel better and go out and its working. but then i sit in front of my computer and cry and feel lonely.
ashley constantly engages me in conversation, so does kerr. i think its to distract me. bless their hearts. i dunno. i like it but i dont, but i cant because love. oh well.
everyont says it'll work out for the best in the end. i hope it does. i really do. one way or another.
ive been sleeping really late lately. but tonight i went to sleep at 10. but i woke up to call you. but you didnt pick up and i just felt sad. i dont know if you even read this. maybe next week or something you will and know the random limbo ive been living in. its good, and its sucky, and i love it and i hate it. what else is new? nothing.
so now i leave you. with all of the readers knowing im just gonna spend the next 15 minutes calling his phone endlessly while crying because he doesnt have any service. see i know this and still i am hurt by it. questions like why doesnt he keep it in a place where it does have service run though my head. why torture myself? but we all know i will be crying myself to sleep for the 3rd night in a row. que sera sera...