its like a circle

its like a continuous circle how my relationship goes yenno? its good its bad its horrible then its good then its bad then its okay then its bad then its okay then its good then its good then its bad. its so tiring. its so tiring being angry at the same thing over again. then why be mad at them you ask? because. simple answer. because they still suck and it still hurts and maybe sooner or later i'll be able to cry my eyes out enough and a portion of my brain will fall out that happens to remember all the horrible things that have ever occured in my life while in this relationship. thats why. right now..its iffy. im very testy and mad and moody and i dunno. just all over the place. he doesnt call til midnight he doesnt call during the entire day. not when hes at work, not when he's awake, not when he's out. he just doesnt have time for me. and i am a very needy perosn. phone time is all the time we have practically. and when its whittled down to 2 hours a day when i dont ever see him for more than 5 hours a week, its kinda straining on our relationship, yenno? he doesn really understand how much i think about him and how much i just want to be around him and talk to him. its just crazy. i know i blow a lot of things out of proportion, but like. you have to understand i only see him once a week, and we only talk for about 2 hours each day. thats really hard on me. especially since im alone at home and hes always out doing something, without me, having way more fun than ever without me, and i dunno. its stupid to get mad at the same things over and over again i know. but its the only thing that makes him care about me and makes him call and talk to me, when there is a problem. he never calls when we're okay. only when we're fighting. i think its time for one of those changes, where weve become really comfortable, too comfrotable in our relationship. i just feel lost and like not doing it anymoresometimes because its like..oh..talking to someone once a night and seeing them once a week. i could talk to a guy here and see him everyday. buti dont do that because i love him. but its sure is tempting. but i would never. so i just sit here alone. waiting for him. whenever it's convenient for him to talk. i dont know...help me...