*sigh* life is difficult. no one, especially me, ever said anything different. my life is hard sometimes because of the decisions i make. and i know that. i, at this point, have been spared from making any really hard decisions. but ive had my share of minorly difficult, crazily absurd choices. sometimes you just make my life difficult. and yes. sometimes i am not as happy as i could be. but i always go back..i always call and i always say im sorry. and im sick a tired, not of you, but of arguing. i hate it. god. dont you get it? for awhile all i want is peace of mind. why are you fighting me so much on this. i want this. you really..honestly..dont have a choice. well you have two. you can stay and wait it out, to see if you can, if you want me afterwards. or you can just stop it. and get over it, and get over me and just be fed up with everything. im not giving an ultimatum. im just telling you what i think are your choices. you cant all of a sudden be mad and me and then whisper, as if youre dying, that you love me. or for me to not leave you. im not leaving you. im taking a break, you need one i need one. it makes me sad and hekka mad when you do that. most of all it hurts like a bitch. it feels like youre ripping my heart out. i made this decision and i cant back out now.
last night i was a bitch, and because i was one, so were you, and i couldnt do anything but run with it, and get it over with. everything just always come out. i cant help it. you make me make my life difficult. im sorry im this way. but i just am.
my life..this week has been living hell. lets recap:

1. decided on a break with greg
2. cried my eyes out at least 4 times a week
3. had to pack all my clothes and shoes
4. needed to buy so many things for school, but dont have the money to actually get what i want
5. i dont have ny money cause i used all my summer allowance
6. needed to clean my room, cause all the packing
7. got in huge fights with both my parents, yelling screaming fighting etc
8. hated my sisters at least four times a day
9. got in huge fight with greg
10. got in a stupid argument with jaime, which shouldnt have happened cause hes being a stupid punk and making me feel bad cause im busy, have a life, want to move on with my life, and have more important things than hanging out with a guy whom im not going out with, can do nothing for me, and am over. (hes being such a jerk. jaime, take it easy, im on a break with greg, this is not a free for all guilt teeny into feeling like a bitch. cause guess what. i was a bitch to greg already and im on a roll. im not taking no shit from anyone right now. so either we have a nice conversation of things other than you like me a lot bullshit you never hang out with me, im sad cause we dont hang out, or not conversation at all. i used to never talk to you, and i really dont see a problem with it. hey if im on a break with the guy im suposed to be in love with and dont feel like talking to him, man, im hella not gonna wanna talk to you.)
11. im just pissed off in general this week

lets see what gems next week, or even this weekend holds:

1. have to move in on saturday before 11AM
2. but i cant check in until 12? great
3. i have to move in ALL BY MYSELF
4. i have to be in daly city? burlingame? at 12pm for denise's bridal shower, BY MYSELF
5. no clothes for the bridal shower which costs as much as me getting my hair done
6. i have like 200 pages of reading to do before monday
7. after the bridal shower i have cotillion practice from 5-9
8. this is a dress rehersal, which means im wearing a dress..2 in fact
9. im probably just gonna sleep over krystle's house, or maybe not, or just go home seeing as i havent asked her yet.
10. on sunday i have to cotillion
11. 11AM is my hair appointment which is $45
12. my parents dont know i have to pay to get my hair done
13. i still have to do my own make up. which i dont know how to do
14. i have to be at the hotel at 2pm
15. cotillion form 5-11
16. my partner kinda does know the dance kinda doesnt, i dont either
17. i cant dance in heels
18. i have to drive back to school that night at like..midnight
19. i have an 8:30AM class the next day
20. i have homework already due in all of my classes
21. i have 2 jobs and like..8 hours a week
22. i have over 14 hours of lecture and lab each week
23. SHOOT ME NOW
24. i spen all of my school books money, but i still have to buy like..3 more books.
25. i have to move in...

well thats all my great next two weeks entails. if you wanna bitch with me, bring it on fucker, cause im mad at the world right now, and i would like to take all this anger and frustration out on someone. so please. piss me off so you can get yelled at. i dare you. and i dont care if im complaining. this is MY ONLINE JOURNAL. you dont like what im talking about THE DONT READ IT ASSHOLE. drag your frikkin arrow to the little X and click. so if i have missed anything or you want to make me explode into tears and destroy me 3 days before school starts, please, help yourself.